Today I start this blog. This journey... towards grace. No, that's not true. That makes it sound as if it's something to be attained, and truth be told, I've already been given it. Maybe more accurately then I should say this is a journey IN grace. A journey in living in God's grace, really living in it and in to it, and seeing what effect it has on my life. I guess in some ways then it's also an experiment. An experiment to see what happens when God's grace is truly embraced, truly liven in to, truly shared.
I've felt a tug on my heart to start this blog for some time and that tug has only increased in recent weeks and days until finally, it's clear it's time. As I have trudged through life's trenches and struggled and stumbled over and over, I have been forced to take an honest look at what I am doing- or not doing!- that may be keeping me there. That may be holding me in those places that are so challenging and painful and not helpful. And in some ways, they are simply life things. Life happens. Evil happens. Pain happens. Trenches and life go hand in hand. But those aren't the trenches I am talking about. The trenches I am referring to are the ones I create or have created for myself. They are the ones, that I have already been freed from but for some reason or another haven't left or freed myself from. They are the trenches... that I have no reason to be living in.
So then why I am I?
As I have gone through a time of discernment and soul searching what has come most apparent to me that the thing that holds me in some of these places, the thing that holds me back the most in this life- it's not the "life" given challenges or trenches. It's not God's lack of love or grace or help for me. It's not lack of support or community or help. Instead, it's my own lack of love and grace for me. Ouch. Talk about rough revelation. You see how does one so compelled and full of fire to share the love and grace and hope of God, fail to find it and live in to it herself?
Hence, why I am here. To explore that very question. And more than that, to spend time as I explore it, being intentional to live more fully and wholly in to the gift of grace already given to me. I don't know, but I suspect that doing so is going to bring me to places I didn't expect or intend and I think that's ok. You see it doesn't feel like it's about a place I am supposed to land or some clear destination at the end of these 100 days, but rather the journey of it and to simply see how life is different 100 days from now than it is today.
Why 100 days? What's so magic about that? Well, nothing really! It just sounded like a good number and it flowed! ha! But that was the number on my heart and so 100 days it is!
So what does living in to God's grace look like anyways? What does me having more grace for me look like or sound like or feel like? Well, again that's to be determined. But for starters I think it is going to be about being kinder to myself. About taking care of me and my body. About being intentional to feed it well with good and healthy things and to exercise and rest it. It's going to be about replacing some of the usual brain chatter and self talk with different words and phrases. It's going to be about allowing myself to fail, to not always get everything right, to not have to be perfect. It's going to be about forgiveness. Letting go. Not holding grudges towards me or others. That's a mighty tall order! ha! And a lot for 100 days! But I trust that if God has led me to this time, that He will walk with me in and through it and will help me in these places that I have so struggled in.
And so my friends, I am glad you are here. That said, this journey isn't for you. It's for me and it's mine. I am ok if no one follows it with me, or if ten or 100 people do. I am sharing it to help keep me accountable. To help me stay focused. That said, I think it's foolish to struggle, to journey, to grow and to learn and to not help one another. And so if my sharing is a help or inspiration to someone else, let it be that.
So visit or don't visit this blog as often or not often as you wish! And in the mean time I hope and pray that you yourselves may be filled with the grace and love and peace of God that transcends all understanding.
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