Stepping Away

Today was one of those days. Many things went wrong. Big things. I didn't sleep well. The kids were bickering all day. It was cloudy and gloomy out. It was just a day. And I was feeling it getting to me. I could feel myself getting grumpy and agitated. I was snapping at the kids and less than patient. I was not a good version of me. I was feeling like the walls were closing in and a bit claustrophobic. Trapped. I needed out. And that was what I did. I got my headphones. Grabbed my phone and the neighbor to watch the kids, laced up my shoes and decided I just needed to go out for a walk. To clear my head. To get some air. To just... move.

Needless to say, my little guy who has been a bit of a magnet to me as of late was pretty bent on not allowing me to go one my own. As much as I desperately needed to be on my own, I grabbed his stroller and off we went. I listened to music. He jabbered and pointed to things here and there that grabbed his attention.

It was a walk. It wasn't super long. It wasn't to anywhere super fabulous or pretty or exciting. And yet for me today, it was grace. It was forgiving myself for the less than great version of me I had been. It was choosing to remove myself from what was and to try to "reset" my day. Without judgment. Without being frustrated or down on myself. By simply going and being and letting my breath and God do what God does. I walked and talked to him. Sought him. I listened to music that always seems to reach me and calm me. I allowed myself to step away and listened to the inner part of me that was telling me she needed to step away.

Grace, as I said before, doesn't always roar. And yet sometimes in side we are roaring and grace is just the thing we need to calm the roar to a purr. I'm not certain I returned from my walk quite in a purr, but I wasn't roaring so much any more and for that I was very grateful.